New Thing #34 – Visit the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

Whilst completing last weekend’s epic drive from Land’s End to John O’Groats, I took the opportunity to complete an extra New Thing en route. Technically I suppose it took place during the week of New Thing #33, but then who’s taking notes. The point is, if I was going to drive 2000 miles up and down this blasted island, I was going to get some mileage out of it. That’s right, I made a driving pun.

The Edinburgh “Fringe” Festival is the largest arts festival in the world. It takes place every year for three weeks in August and features an eclectic array of comedy, dance, theatre and music. It’s a massive, massive event – the Guardian reckons there were 40,254 performances of 2,453 shows at 259 venues, involving more than 21,000 performers this year. It is one of those events you always hear about but never really think about going to unless you live abroad or you’re a student with nothing else to do. So when the opportunity cropped up to drop in during our trip, I was deeply excited.

I’ll say here and now: I did not perform comedy at the Fringe Festival. Despite the repeated suggestions to do throughout the year, and the very convincing case put forward by Mrs NT (who I suspect just wanted to see me humiliate myself), I have no desire to ever get up on stage and perform a comedy routine. I love comedy and wish to continue enjoying it as an audience member without having to experience the sheer terror of dieing on stage. So if you were hoping for an amusing story about a failed comedic career, you’d be better off reading Alex Zane’s wikipedia page. (Mind you, with gags like that perhaps I should have given it a shot).

We arrived in Edinburgh around 9pm and immediately set out to orientate ourselves. Quickly distracted by a delicious pint and some needlessly deep-fried food, we did not get off to a great start. The problem is the festival is massive and based all over the city. Looking at the performer guide is like reading the Daily Star – it is impossible to decipher and completely nonsensical. We eventually happened upon the Pleasance Dome, one of four main areas that seemed to host a variety of gigs throughout the night. Quickly realising that pretty much everything was sold out, we managed to get hold of four press tickets for a BBC Comedy Presents revue style show for a tenner each. Steep, yes, but this is the EDINBURGH FESTIVAL MAN!

After a few more pints it was time to go in. In, we later discovered, to Edinburgh University’s student union. A student union decked out with palm trees, a domed ceiling and more bars than a real ale festival. It made Exeter University’s union look like some two-bit West Country chain pub. The show itself was great fun and we enjoyed five acts including the aforementioned Alex Zane (so bad he made me want to have a cry), Frisky & Mannish (a musical duo who made fun of pop music. Very good), James Kirk (young ginger chap who won the up and coming award this year. Also very good) and Asher Treveleaven (outstanding).

Feeling suitably smug, we decided to have a nightcap at one of the many bars that had sprung up in the City Centre. Much like Glastonbury or one of the bigger music festivals, during the Fringe a series of areas are constructed containing bars, food outlets and music. All free, one can wander around between them all enjoying the array of fried foods and warm beers. After wandering around the festival a bit and soaking up the brilliant atmosphere, we settled in the huge Uderbelly area which you’ll see from the photo (not mine, incidently) was buzzing.

One thing I will say about Scottish people is I think they get a bad rap. Everyone we met was friendly, welcoming and happy. True, most of them were either high, drunk or a mixture of both but even in their inebriated states, they exuded warmth and a certain strain of charm. We didn’t always understand what they were saying, mind, but the bits we did manage to piece together indicated that these 3 weeks of the year are a highlight for the locals. Apart from the incessant flyering obviously – it is nigh on impossible to walk 10 yards without some spotty student thrusting another wad of leaflets in your hand.

As all the bars remained open until 5am, we stayed up late, talking with locals, drinking whiskys and generally soaking up the festival atmosphere. We knew it was time to go home when we spotted (disgraced TV host) John Leslie pestering a young woman and Janine from Eastenders trying to catch people’s attention. Yes, that was the sum total of our seleb spots.

The Edinburgh Fringe was an amazing experience and well worth its own New Thing. I’ll be back next year to enjoy more. But I’m not doing stand-up. Ever.

New Thing #33 – Land’s End to John O’Groats

Well, I’ve done it. After years of wondering what it would be like to travel from the southern tip to the northern reaches of the United Kingdom I now know: it is long, boring but very, very beautiful. I completed the trip this weekend with three chums, a reliable Ford hire car and almost no problems. Which is a pity because problems and mishaps usually make for more entertaining copy.

We left London promptly on Thursday afternoon in the rain and began the long trip down South to Land’s End. Taking it in turns to drive, we made good progress and ventured deep into the West Country. Sustained by ample amounts of service station food and warm beers (for the non-drivers, obviously), we arrived at our destination as dusk settled. As you will see from the pictures below, it is not the picturesque little landmark that one is led to believe.

Land’s End has been commercialised almost beyond recognition, with 4D Sherlock Holmes experiences, craft shops, an old helicopter and a pirate-themed ghost ride. Luckily though, they also had a pub and this is where we headed to celebrate our arrival long into the night with traditional West Country drinks of cider Stella and gin tequila.

We awoke the next morning to find that in our drunken state we’d managed to camp on some sort of live firing range, dangerously close to the edge of a cliff. Deciding it was best not to push our luck, and mindful of the long trip up to Edinburgh ahead of us, we rose quickly and performed the necessary poses at the Land’s End sign before hitting the road.

The trip to Edinburgh was long and, to be honest, a bit arduous. Pretty much all motorway, our hangovers ensured those not driving slept and those in the driving seat mainlined Lucozade and salted snack products. Shell and BP service stations were doing a brisk trade in Pringles, Quavers, Gatorade and of course, Ginsters from the 52 New Things crew. As we left Devon and Somerset, the landscape flattened out and became noticeably more industrial. We hooned it up the M5, skirting Wales and flirting with Birmingham. Green fields gave way to endless housing estates and factories but the Ford Mondeo’s cruise control option meant we were strolling along and making good time at little effort.

As the M5 turned into the M6, we hit our first and only real traffic jam as we bisected Manchester and Liverpool. After 2 hours of wrangling, swearing, shortcuts, longcuts and finally a little bit of violence towards the sat nav, we made it through the other side and were in sight of Edinburgh. We made it into the city and to our designated stop at the remarkable time of around 8.30pm. We were staying with one of our parties brother-in-law – an affable chap with the excellent name Nick who flew planes for a low cost Irish airline for a living. I won’t go into too much detail as to our hijinks for the night as that will be covered in New Thing #34.

But we did drink a little bit and consequently our early start on Saturday morning turned into a somewhat leisurely 10.30am start. John O’Groats is a surprising 6 hours away from Scotland’s capital and we had a long drive ahead of us. As we made our way into the famous highlands, the scene changed from pretty city to dramatic country. We soon found ourselves surrounded by steep mountains and pine-covered hills – it was stunning. Regular food stops brought with it strange encounters with local Scots, whose heavy accents often made every conversation twice as long as it needed to be. We did manage to get hold of two £1 notes though.

We almost didn’t want the drive to end. Apart from Inverness. That was a bit dull. But after around five hours (but definitely not after we had a competition to see who could get the car up to a top speed of 125mph) John O’Groats came into sight. It seemed slightly less built up than Land’s End, although it did have a tacky craft shop (shut), a Costa Coffee (shut) and a cafe (also shut). It was all a bit……well, sad really.

Look mum, I made it.

We took some photos in the sunshine and threw some rocks we’d picked up from Land’s End into the North Sea. It was an incredible feeling to think we’d managed to drive from one end of Great Britain to the other in just under 2 days. It really drove home how small this Island is and how tightly packed we all are. Well, except in Scotland where instead people live in the cities and then in tiny little villages with just thistle and the odd goat for company.

We camped on John O’Groats for the night and toasted our success with a BBQ and some whiskey. Sadly not even Scotland’s finest triple malt allowed us to sleep through the ensuing gale that night and after our tents had been literally uprooted and us soaked, we decamped for an uncomfortable night in the car.

The following day was a long, hungover, testy drive home to London from the tip of Scotland (Yes, I know it isn’t the Northern most part of the country, but let’s just pretend it is for artistic effect). Ironically the day was a warm one and we spent the journey listening to the cricket bathed in sunshine. 20 hours after getting into the car at 2.30am that morning, we arrived home – tired but esquisitly proud to have seen the length of our country, albeit from a Ford Mondeo.

Distance travelled: 1,955.5 miles
Fuel bought: £230
Z-list celebs spotted: Two
Scotch Eggs eaten: One
Monsters in Loch Ness spotted: None

More photos below

Hullo United Kingdom!

Later today a car will leave South London and head down the famous A303 towards England’s most southerly point, Land’s End. Tomorrow, it will leave at the crack of dawn and drive for over 10 hours until it reaches Edinburgh. The following morning it will strike out, most likely in the pouring rain, for Scotland’s most northerly point, John o’ Groats, and then as far back south again as the light will allow. On Sunday morning it will fire up and begin the long journey home to London where it expects to glide into its parking space back in South London in the early evening following a round trip of around 1800 miles driving the length of the United Kingdom.

Apparently this colour is "tango"

The car in question is a fine example of motoring engineering – a 2009 Ford Mondeo 1.8 Manual Diesel – supplied by the good people at Kendalls Hire Cars for a very reasonable price. Yes its boring, yes its dull but it was cheap, big and far more likely to get us there than a 15-year old Black Cab.

In this car will be myself and three friends – Ali, Dan and Ed – to help share the driving and keep each other sane. And some tents, CDs, delicious road snacks and even an emergency Sat Nav. Given that we’ve undertaken to conduct this rather unusual trip on the August Bank Holiday weekend, I fully expect to encounter all manner of road works, accidents, unexplainable traffic jams, overturned caravans, broken down minibuses, and escaped horses. We’ve also  built a spare day into the itinerary (handily, Bank Holiday Monday) which we will undoubtedly need.

We shall be posting regular updates throughout the weekend right here on this blog and the 52 New Things twitter account. We’re taking various cameras and video cameras so you might even get some moving images as well. We plan to hit the Edinburgh Fringe Festival on Friday night so expect some form of extra New Thing there as well.

And should any readers wish to suggest things to do along the way, places to see or people to meet, leave a comment below and we’ll do our best to give it a go.

A full write-up will appear on Tuesday…..if we make it.

New Thing # 32 – Do something illegal, legally

This weekend I spent a very pleasant day in the company of various young chaps with names such as SoulOne, Revert, Phorm, 3Dom, Vomit, Jive, Vodker, Daze, and Da Mental Vaporz. Apart from the obvious grammatical anomalies, these were actually monikers for a group of international graffiti artists who had made the trip over to North London for the International Meeting of Styles Festival, a “graf fest” held at Highbury Studios.

Quite apart from the internal turmoil of being a Tottenham Hotspur fan within spitting distance of the Emirates while they murdered Blackpool 6-0, I approached this new thing with a certain amount of trepidation. Graffiti, as I mentioned in my last post, is an odd past time that is shrouded in secrecy and driven underground by increasingly draconian vandalism laws. Whereas the eponymous Banksy is lauded for his work as celebrities flock to “buy” a piece of wall art, the rest of the movement is forced to practice their artform under the cover of darkness with their faces covered. Quite what the reason for the silly monikers is though I can’t quite work out.

This is why free festivals like the MOS where artists are free to tag and paint without fear of persecution are so important. Highbury Studios had given over the frontages of various unused studios to some of the most skilled painters in Europe and they repaid the favour in spades. As you can see below from some of the pictures from the day, the works were both intricate and compelling. Click on each for a bigger version:

And then, naturally, it was my turn. Jim, the organiser of the event, gracefully volunteered to teach me the basics of graffiting. This involved using an enormous bit of plywood as, essentially, a spray paint doodle pad. It is difficult to get across in words how tricky it is to draw a straight line in black spray paint without it dripping all over the place. It requires an a surprisingly steady hand and, amazingly, “follow through”. I spent a good 20 minutes practising small straight lines with big sweeping motions and just about got the hang of it whilst simultaneously covering my hands in seemingly indelible black paint.

Then it was onto circles. Again, the trick seemed to be to do a couple of feinting circles first before actually depressing the nozzle. After 5 minutes or so I was producing pretty good circles and I started to feel quite confident. Then, suddenly, it was time to have a proper go. I’d decided to have a go at the 52 New Things logo as it seemed fairly simple for my first time. I did have great visions of splashing a massive tag across a huge section of virgin wall but after seeing the results of my first go, Jim had obviously decided that such a prime piece of graffiti real estate would be wasted on me. So, to the chipboard I went. The results were……well, disappointing if I’m honest:

Getting down to it

My effort

The finished product. Note my excellent "tag" at the bottom

To find out more about graffiting and how you can experience it at your home, work or festival, have a word with the nice men at The End of the Line and tell them I sent you.