Land’s End to John o’Groats

As an island nation, we are mad. Maybe it is our proximity to the sea, maybe it is our Scandinavian history. Or maybe it is our peculiar obsession with conquering everyone else in the world. Whatever the case, for hundreds of years we have toiled and troubled ourselves with the etiquette of queueing, the minutiae of Crown Green Bowls and the fastidious pedantry of the correct way to make a cup of tea. So it comes as little surprise when one hears about a fellow jet skiing around the entire British coastline or, in the case of these chaps, “cycling the length of the country on tuppence ha’penny”. Which is a penny farthing to you and me.

Cycling, as everyone knows, is a dangerous and foolish past time only practised by cads and politicians. Motoring, on the other hand, is a glorious and proud pursuit, requiring minimal effort for exceptional outcomes. And so when I decided to traverse the length of Great Britain for my 33rd New Thing, I declined to do it on a bike and, frankly, I laughed at the suggestion of attempting it by foot. No, this great and glorious trip shall be completed by vehicular means alone.

Our rough route, shamelessly stolen off someone else

Land’s End in the very South of England to John o’ Groats in the very North of Scotland is a marvellous 603 miles as the crow flies. By road, however, it is a slightly alarming 874 miles (or around 1,400 km) door to door. Cyclists tend to take a week for such a trip while walkers can take anything up to three months and cover up to 1,200 miles. I intend to do it under 3 days.

The plan is simple:

Leave Land’s End early on the morning of Friday 27 August having had a swim in the ocean. Arrive in Edinburgh that night to sample some of the fun at The Fringe festival (itself a tremendous New Thing). Leave Edinburgh the next morning and arrive in John o’ Groats around six hours later. Have another swim and a cup of tea. Make our way as far south as possible until night falls. Rise on Sunday morning and head back to the Seat of the Empire in time for tea and toast.

I shall be undertaking this epic New Thing with three fellow adventurers in a rental vehicle with just some sandwiches, a hip flask and a battered copy of the 2001 AA route map for comfort. Our aim is completion rather than speed and whilst we shall be setting no records nor indeed doing anything remotely original along the way, there is something deeply satisfying about experiencing the entire length of one’s nation in a weekend. Australians and Americans can only look on in jealousy!

Should anyone wish to sponsor this fine trip, please head to the official 52 New Things JustGiving site.

And if anyone has any suggestions for added New Things to try along the way, please do share in the comments below.